| Friday, March 25th, 2005 |
| 3:50 pm |
shout out to my buddy- i love ya man!!!!!!!!!
my best freind is sad and it's just sad.... i hate it when things are shitty it sucks.But anyways i looooooooove my bestest freind and he knows that.......so i thought i should just restate it. Current Mood: tolerable |
| Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005 |
| 6:03 pm |
oh.... what the hey
I am so happy that Eljay and I are talking again i missed that kid.Anyway things are better they still are icky but i'll get ok. Like dieing before being born like breaking without being torn oh yah and rachel,,,,we are cool no worries. Current Mood: better |
| Monday, February 21st, 2005 |
| 10:06 pm |
I am serouisly moving and for the first time iv'e got no reason to stay no one to say goodbye to.My freinds are gone.you think this is fucking funny hahah....i am haanotherving breakdown and theres no help coming there's no help coming. |
| Sunday, January 30th, 2005 |
| 9:38 pm |
1month three days....i broke my record
I havn't done it in forever im so dumb.It's been 1month and three days since i had done it...i was on a a roll i feel better though but i know it's only temporary.....it'll hurt again.I hate this feeling.ehh fuck it....anyway i had a really suck ass weekend.....friday night i saw white noise...dissapionting.Saturday sam ditched me she was supposed to spend the night and normally it would have been ok but....i was really freaked out so it pissed me off.Im watching Pompeii on the discovery channel yeah...im bored im sad and im wiped out. Current Mood: dissapionted with myself |
| Saturday, January 22nd, 2005 |
| 4:18 pm |
not happy
Tonight is the last show,i am happy but also sad. Actually i have been sad alot lately,all i want to do is sleep.Their is a viel over everything.I am so sick of people. Eljay you are an ass....i just thought i would let you know personally....you didn't even fucking say goodbye to me. Current Mood: unuasuall amount of hurt |
| Tuesday, January 11th, 2005 |
| 10:28 pm |
mopy fucking teenagers
I am going to blow up the world....there are no good prospects to look forward to.Nothing makes me happy...Everyone should die......I am such a pathetic little girl...so yeah.....you are all inanis(that is latin)so stop being asshole's. Current Mood:  waitin for something to happen |
| Sunday, January 2nd, 2005 |
| 1:46 pm |
And so it begins
Pink Floyd
Wish You Were Here (1975)
Wish You Were Here
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
I love this song...it keeps swimming through my brain......this isn't fair really.....aww damnit i think i like someone i just now realized that.I hate it when I like someone cause it is always so extreme.....why oh damnit.....it could be worse.....i could like jake and that would be impossible......im am so glad i don't like him.......Anyway i am just going to shut up about it....... Current Mood: bad |
| Wednesday, December 29th, 2004 |
| 1:58 pm |
Rachel spent the night.....It was funish.....we stayed up until 5 this morning and had to wake up at 10:30so we didin't get much sleep...SO who wants to hang out with me?????I have my doctor apppoitment at 3' so i'll get back around 4 and my little sisters freind is coming at 5 so someone rescue me.......ihate 11 year olds ahhhhhhhh. Current Mood:  anxious |
| 3:50 am |
|
| 3:28 am |
hey you. this is just a joke. i'm not gay.and if you think this quiz means that i am... you are so dumb that i never want you looking at my journal again. Current Mood:  sleepy |
| Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004 |
| 9:04 pm |
I almost broke my leg today.I had to go to the hospital....I might need surgery...i can't walk for 5 days<I have a brace and cruches.....I probably won't get to be in musical theatre...or the show anyway....I am so depressed i am in pain and loneley.....meryy cghrisams Current Mood: in pain |
| Tuesday, December 21st, 2004 |
| 7:38 pm |
See the world through tinted glasses
I am watchitng white oleander and i am wondering what it could be like to be loved so much that they would never forget about you.It makes me so sad.........I think i once had something like that and like all good things it came to an end...of course.I am really sad why did i watch the movie....I want to cry,maybe i would feel better afterwards, i get so pent up i struggle just to breath.......I miss enjoying life....I miss when things we happy and simple....I just found a picture that i have a huge ring around my neck from when i tried to hang myself.......i was in 4 grade ....And the sad thing is i am not joking.....I don't think i am normal.......something is actually wrong with me....i see myself dying and half the time i enjoy it and the release that it brings."I carry on like a crippled play thing,my smile is just a string".I wonder am i actually sick? Current Mood: Unfathomably Sad |
| Monday, December 20th, 2004 |
| 7:03 pm |
the room is spinning......upside down.
I am in a freaking bad mood.Iam not in a good mood,Im so confused.I am bored....no one calling me i thinkk Jake might have called me,I love that kid....he is awsome.....I keep writing poems and i want to post them but you all suck and never comment....or if you are Rachel,then you leave "constructive criticsm"Which i don't like so ....I will just keep evrything i write in my journal.....and when i kill myself they will publish it and I will be the famous dead 15yr old poet. She burst with insane laughter. She's gonna do it all the way. Now there's blood an your floor. So pretend to cry,then you'll complain Now your beige carpet is stained. Drained of her young life.....what a pity The beige floor is tinted pink. There was her death. Suicides stink. Ha yeah I wrote this when i was thinking about my dad and nancy and what they would do if i slit my wrist all over their clean beige carpet,would they cry....would they move me over and clean up the blood while the abulance was coming .....it's so funny to think about Current Mood: trippy...... |
| Sunday, December 19th, 2004 |
| 10:06 pm |
Wow yeah "P.A.R.T.Y.... because i gotta" *the mask
Ok,Yeah i just got back from Stephanie's party and yeah...it was good....boring at first but it livened up.Yeah so all anyone did was makeout.It was cool though.Ok so yeah Ray was all over me at the end of the party and yeah he kept biting me...I have a hicky....Then he held my hand in the car on the way home and kissed me goodbye...i think.....And he was tickling me and so was this other guy....Don't recalll that guy's name though. Wow i didn't know what would happen if he bit me and i found out though....I wonder if he likes me?I think he is way hot.I feel very ...odd.I guess i am in a good mood. Current Mood: odd...good...dazed |
| Monday, December 13th, 2004 |
| 3:25 pm |
Frustrated,suicidal and still single.
Grrrr.I was in such a peachy mood earlier today and now i am just frustrated.Nothing is going right,I like somebody again....Not that I want to or anything...I am going to be a lesbain.I hate the male speciesThey can all rot in hell.Do you ever have this feeling that you will never get over someone....Like you will love them the rest of your life...I'll admit though i would hate to think that what i feel now is love....cause if it is i wanna be a heartless bastard.Everybody is dating somebody.....I hate being single!!Ehh whatever.I want to die....i am not being a mopy teeenager..i really do...No one is home...nobody's going to call me either.....Ehhh,don't bother.I just am so grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Current Mood:  sad |
| Wednesday, December 8th, 2004 |
| 7:50 pm |
STICK A FORK IN ME I'M DONE
I am so not happy.I can't believe it,I refuse to.Ohhhhh I am having such a crap ass night.Sleep oh sleep how i long for thee!!!!!I blahhh whatever.The crow keeps popping in my head,oh how i love thee let me count the ways.Fuck tonight, is a bad night to sleep and a good night to bleed.I miss eljay....i miss ray ....nathan...anyone that would give me a hug.Im so sad......The only good procspect in my life is fucked.I was kind of sitting on the floor and nobody said anything so i wonder if it's cause they thought i wanted to be alone or what?I don't usaully want to be alone,it makes me sad.I hate being left alone with just my thoughts to disturb me.Anyway yeah so i'll shut up now.Im so done Current Mood: peachy..fucking...keen |
| Tuesday, December 7th, 2004 |
| 8:29 pm |
Ohh what an intresting mood.There's this guy at school and i think he's hot.He's so nice!I'm not really in a good mood but yeah....I guess my day was ok sure why not....Yeah so i realized something today i am over it, i am over it, i am over it, i am over it yay yay yay yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!peachy keen so yeah i don't know what to say......anymore,this livejournal things is fucking gay?Yeah I am so honest!Sarcasm yeah!!!!!! Current Mood: bleh |
| Thursday, December 2nd, 2004 |
| 10:19 pm |
I GOT A GUITTAR! Tonight I got a guittar and yeah and an amp and I can't even really play but hey what the hell i guess i'll learn!But just to make this clear i am not saying i can play so don't call me a poser,cause i know i can't play it.So yeah my mom brought it over it was an early xmas presnt.It's a Jackson and the amp is fender yeah...Im excited,i hope chris can help me learn how to play....me and sam are going to have the most kickass band ever,all chicks.It's going to be like a mixture of rasputina and kitty and jackoff jill and just me and sam are going be lead guittarist and singers woot woot!!!!Yeah that is so damn cool.It's black and it's shiny and i love it *fake orgasm*.But yeah so goodnight everone *kisses hugs*Love you sam and eljay! Current Mood: Giddy |
| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004 |
| 3:50 pm |
insane in the membrane
So ya thats funny eljay thinks he's losing his mind,welcoming to my world.SO i guess last night my slight hold on sanity slipped.I am so not ok,i can't even say.I don't think im coming to school tomarrow....i'll just fake sick.I don't give a crap.I don't have any freinds.....umm very lonley.I was a bitch to sam at lunch.I need some more/new freinds,come on you guys you know we have nothing left to talk about.I had no highlight in my day,i guess it would be talking to chris about guiitar,ya that's about it.Anways i got yellled at last night,i almost killed them in their sleep...old people suck such ass.I will just go take a bath and slit my wrist....see you tomarrow....oh wait no i won't.Hahahahah(Sarcasm)*bitch slaps you*. Current Mood: unhappy |
| Monday, November 29th, 2004 |
| 7:51 pm |
I am playing my dumb acoustic guitar.I wrote this thing yesterday it was a good little poem,but I don't like critism so im not going to post anything real cuase you people don't fucking get it.Oh well,I read that Nathan missed me talking to him and it made me feel good,i never thought he thought of me as a real freind...weird,oh well he's a nice guy.I don't really have anything to look forward to right now....i guess the best thing would be turning 18 and getting the hell away from here.i have a whole bunch of blah running through my heads,i need a cigarette.Well this last break was fun i guess...i need some more freinds i can't depend on just having two freinds...like one day sam and eljay will be busy,and i'll be alone,kinda scaring when you think about it ya know.Nathans sister has this little quiz and i liked it so i'll post it and it your actually my freind,then you will answer the questions. 1. Who are you?: 2. Are we friends?: 3. When and how did we meet?: 4. Do you (or did you ever) have a crush on me?: 5. Would you kiss me?: 6. Describe me in one word: 7. What was your first impression?: 8. Do you still think that way about me now?: 9. What do you like most about me?: 10. What do you like least?: 11. What can you not stand about me at all?: 12. What reminds you of me?: 13. If you could give me anything what would it be?: 14. How well do you know me?: 15. When's the last time you saw me?: 16. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?: 17. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you? SO are you going to do this,why i am i doubting that?I'd be ok if you didn't anwer the weird questions,ya know.Anyways see you all tomarrow. Current Mood: need of a cigarette |
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